My parents helped us through the home buying process and the work that goes with it before and after. After we moved into the house in February, my dad and husband set out to clear the overgrowth in the back yard, uprooting small trees and weeding out the weeds. After couple of weeks of hard work, the garden was in a much better condition. Very soon it was time for Ugadi. My mom gave us money to buy ourselves a fruit tree to plant in the garden as a new year gift. Venkat and I set forth to Regans nursery and brought home a sweet nectarine tree about 4 feet high. Venkat dug a deep trench and was preparing the soil to plant it. My neighbors looked over the fence and warned that there are garden snakes in the area, that we were not aware of. Venkat freaked out and threw the pick axe and my parents and us ran inside. It took us a lot of courage to venture out and finish planting the tree.
The tree today is 10 feet tall and is chock full of nectarines. Although my parents have visited us several times in the past, it has always been during the dreaded winter/spring period. My mom observed and expressed that the tree puts forth flowers first and then the leaves and then the fruits. She found this amazing and observed this to be quite contrary to what is the norm. She even wondered if each flower individually is a leaf, an answer I still have not sought out. Until she pointed this out, I had never thought about it from this view point. My mother is a keen observer of everything big and small.
During her last trip she commented about how their trips have always been during Spring, and never in the summers, when they are able to relish the fruits and vegetables. I recall sitting in the back yard with mom, during my maternity leave last year in Spring and drawing the nectarine tree abundant with flowers. She was struggling hard to get the perspective and depth right. Since I was regularly going for art classes, she asked me to teach her the technique. I so vividly recall the conversation, and her frustration on not being able to get the soil right and the flowers in the background. She has the unique attitude to be able to learn from anyone and everyone, whether big or small, without giving a know-it-all attitude.
In 2014 my parents 10 year visa was expiring in November. My husband suggested that we bring them over during summer so that they get an opportunity to enjoy Pranav's pranks and cute toddlerhood. It would also be a great opportunity for Shloka to bond with grandparents during summer break, and she had planned a string of projects to work with grandma. My parents were a bit hesitant with the idea initially, my mother had her little worries. They had moved in to an apartment next door to my brother a few months ago, and my mother was worried that if she leaves to the US, my brother's family cook arrangement would be disrupted. I finally had to convince her that its for only a couple of months and that my brother's family would be able to manage just fine. Oh my all giving mom! I recall the conversation between Venkat and my mom convincing them to be here. Venkat commented that she should pay us a visit just to eat the fruit from the nectarine tree she planted, and she was readily convinced. Venkat and my mom share a unique rapport. Venkat is very loving and caring towards my parents and he truly enjoys having them over. He would keep my mother constantly entertained with jokes and pranks, and conversations. The tickets were booked and they had planned to be here on June 4th.
Oh mother, my heart weeps when I see the nectarine tree. There are lots and lots of fruits, big and small. Some are nice and healthy, and some are cracked, just the way nature meant it to be. Couldn't you have made this one last trip to enjoy this? Couldn't you have been around to make an artist rendering of a fully loaded tree and wonder how to get the 3D perspectives right yet again? I feel lonely and lost inside. I feel robbed.
The tree today is 10 feet tall and is chock full of nectarines. Although my parents have visited us several times in the past, it has always been during the dreaded winter/spring period. My mom observed and expressed that the tree puts forth flowers first and then the leaves and then the fruits. She found this amazing and observed this to be quite contrary to what is the norm. She even wondered if each flower individually is a leaf, an answer I still have not sought out. Until she pointed this out, I had never thought about it from this view point. My mother is a keen observer of everything big and small.
During her last trip she commented about how their trips have always been during Spring, and never in the summers, when they are able to relish the fruits and vegetables. I recall sitting in the back yard with mom, during my maternity leave last year in Spring and drawing the nectarine tree abundant with flowers. She was struggling hard to get the perspective and depth right. Since I was regularly going for art classes, she asked me to teach her the technique. I so vividly recall the conversation, and her frustration on not being able to get the soil right and the flowers in the background. She has the unique attitude to be able to learn from anyone and everyone, whether big or small, without giving a know-it-all attitude.
In 2014 my parents 10 year visa was expiring in November. My husband suggested that we bring them over during summer so that they get an opportunity to enjoy Pranav's pranks and cute toddlerhood. It would also be a great opportunity for Shloka to bond with grandparents during summer break, and she had planned a string of projects to work with grandma. My parents were a bit hesitant with the idea initially, my mother had her little worries. They had moved in to an apartment next door to my brother a few months ago, and my mother was worried that if she leaves to the US, my brother's family cook arrangement would be disrupted. I finally had to convince her that its for only a couple of months and that my brother's family would be able to manage just fine. Oh my all giving mom! I recall the conversation between Venkat and my mom convincing them to be here. Venkat commented that she should pay us a visit just to eat the fruit from the nectarine tree she planted, and she was readily convinced. Venkat and my mom share a unique rapport. Venkat is very loving and caring towards my parents and he truly enjoys having them over. He would keep my mother constantly entertained with jokes and pranks, and conversations. The tickets were booked and they had planned to be here on June 4th.
Oh mother, my heart weeps when I see the nectarine tree. There are lots and lots of fruits, big and small. Some are nice and healthy, and some are cracked, just the way nature meant it to be. Couldn't you have made this one last trip to enjoy this? Couldn't you have been around to make an artist rendering of a fully loaded tree and wonder how to get the 3D perspectives right yet again? I feel lonely and lost inside. I feel robbed.
I take a deep breath as I finish reading this! Your mom's gift is such a reflection of what mothers really are - something that's alive and gives year after year! You are passing through a difficult phase, I am still finding my way out of my darkness. Channel all the feelings of betrayal, loss and hopelessness into love for your own off-springs! Easier said than done- but try! Happy to know Venkat was a loving and involved son-in-law! I can see a lot of similarities between him and Raghav! My mom's every single word was like a gold coin. She always had positive, uplifting, encouraging, soothing things to say! They ring in my ears and surge through my veins everyday! I hope to pass them on to my children!!! Keep writing! It's cathartic! Look forward to reading more here!
ReplyDeleteSuch warmth in it and so heartfelt are your words, Akila!
ReplyDeleteIt feels so unfair that one of your most intimate relations was taken away so suddenly in almost a blink of an eye! It is unfair; It is so hard, if not impossible, to accept!
I know no better way to console you; to offer you peace and not having experienced such a loss myself, I offer merely words in hope that they sooth your aching heart and as a friend, as a compassionate person, I stand by you in your grief and extend my support in whatever ways that may help you.
I say, celebrate the life that you knew in the woman you know as your mother! Feel her presence in the many memories and experiences she left behind! That nectarine tree; her artistic expressions; her wisdom and advice; her zest for life! Mourn her loss; grieve, but don't be so greedy in your loss or the pain of it that it confines you from enjoying the very life she stood for! Take one day at a time; do something each day to celebrate who she was; smile in her memories; let the tears flow, too, as they wish. Don't resist the pain, but don't let it build a wall around you that you forget to cherish the woman your mother is!
One can never plan or prepare for death, especially of a dearest one so perhaps it was God’s working that it happened so quick and suddenly! Perhaps God felt that was the best way in a grand scheme of things. Perhaps this is God’s direct message to you that death is the only certainty of life, but don’t be defeated by it; Celebrate the gift of life you are given; leave behind a legacy of memories that those around you can celebrate and feel grateful for having met you; for having known you!
From Rumi…
Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you’re bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, you look, and instead,
here's the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.